Thursday, October 18, 2007

Take with Food


Why does it embarrass me that my doctor wrote "menses" on my prescription? I'm (about to be) a 30-year old woman. Obviously "menses" is a fact of my life.

You'd think that in 19 years of having a period I would no longer be embarrassed in front of the sales clerk at CVS. But alas, I am. I still can't buy the Tampax Multi Mega pack without turning a little red in the cheek.

Here's the world I'd like to live in. No other human being on the planet will ever think of me doing anything besides showering and putting on make-up in the bathroom. That's it. That's all I ever do.

How can I turn in a prescription with the word "menses" on it? When I got home and saw that I felt like a teenager embarrassed that my mom had just told my principal I stayed home with "the runs."

At the very least, I don't want to be standing directly in front of the pharmacist when she has the fleeting realization that once a month bloody guck pours out of a certain orifice.

Could she not have written a different word? Menses sounds so….biblical. So parting of the red sea, and smiting and begotten. Hark! She hath begotten her menses unto the lord!

At least period sounds clean, neat and singular. Period. They can even say it on TV, no birth control commercial would be caught dead saying "menses." But now I have to march into CVS with it boldly stamped on my prescription.

I prefer my "menses" to be shrouded in a little more mystery at the drugstore. Maybe I'll have Danny pick up that prescription.

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