Thursday, November 29, 2007

There's a New Gang in Town


For future reference, if you walk into a crowded bagel shop, pay for your lunch, and make your way to a table only to find that said table is sporting a week-old college newspaper with a salt shaker placed on top of it, keep moving. That table is being saved.

Here's what went down. Danny and I were 75% finished with our lunch and our New York Times when one of the (BSOL) Bagel Shop Old Ladies approached our table. I'm now convinced they're a bona fide gang. They probably have it out after hours (6:30pm) with the baggers from Publix next door. I'm pretty sure I saw one old lady taping hard candies onto her knuckles today. And I wouldn't be surprised if underneath their embroidered Alfred Donner sweater sets are matching tattoos of lox and cream cheese on an onion bagel.

Anyway, I made the mistake of sliding the newspaper/salt shaker centerpiece aside and sitting down to enjoy my lunch. Well, Barb (code name: Barbed Wire) just couldn't let me get away with that. She came over, sweet as nails,"Excuse me dear, could I have my paper back? We thought we'd be able to save this table but…well, that paper belongs to my friend."
Nevermind that Barb's friend could have picked up another (free) week old college newspaper from the enormous stack by the door. I think this was purely an intimidation tactic. I'm putting it all together, the Jedi mind trick lady, the old woman who hogged the free samples last week. They think they own the place and can just push (subtly chide) people around.

Well, I for one am sick of it. Next week I'm going to take up a whole big table all to myself. I'm going to take two, no, three brownie bites from the tray. I'm going to put out a napkin and a couple grains of salt and call it saving a table.


It's on ladies. Bring it. It….is…ON.

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