Sunday, December 30, 2007

Steph’s Best and Worsts of 2007

Now that the crank of Christmas has wrung every penny from my pocket, every cup of sugar from my cabinet and every ounce of Christmas cheer from my soul, it's time to embark on the annual spiritual journey I like to call, F*@! It's New Year's already?

I've taken some time to collect my favorite (and not so favorite), moments of 2007.

STEPH'S 10 FAVORITE THINGS OF 2007
1. America's Next Top Model marathons on MTV and VH1. These provided me with hours of much needed, mind numbing entertainment as well as much needed cultural references like "krumping" which I would not other wise know and which provides me with some fake street cred (though mine just went down for using that term).

2. Candi's wedding, there's nothing more beautiful than one of your best friends getting married to a guy of whom you infinitely approve (complete with break dancing).

3. Kiddo, I never thought I'd be a dog person. But I am. That dog just kicks my heart into happy every time I walk in the door to her upturned face and wagging tail.

4. New York trip, seeing Amy Poehler and Seth Myers at the Upright Citizens Brigade. Totally worth the $5 it cost to get in and the impromptu foil wrapped burrito sidewalk picnic we had to have so we wouldn't lose our place in line.

5. Getting a cell phone: after years and years of resisting and happily living without one, I now feel naked when I leave the house without my little red razor, here it sits now, resting peacefully, faithfully at my side.

6. BEST BOOK: Harry Potter 7; This year's reading was crowded out by Harry Potter (and the preparatory re-reading of the six previous books) as well as the 1,001 books on puppies and Jack Russell Terriers that I read in preparation for Kiddo. Aside from those, Nora Ephron's I Feel Bad About My Neck tops my list.

7. BEST MOVIE: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. The director managed to turn my least favorite of the book series into my favorite of the movies so far. Hot Fuzz and Sicko deserve honorable mentions

8. BEST SONG: Anything by Feist wore out my repeat button this year.

9. BEST RESTAURANT: The Bagel Bakery in the Millhopper shopping plaza where I can often be found eating lunch and having altercations with retired folk.

10. Raising beaucoup dollars at the NOW 25th anniversary banquet.

11. Skydiving/turning 30. The first few months of my thirties have been pretty great, jumping out of planes, race training, let's see if I can keep up the pace.

12. Senator Larry Craig getting caught soliciting sex in a men's room. There's a sweet sense of poetic justice when bigots get caught with their hands in the proverbial cookie jar. I take pleasure in the exposure of hypocrisy.

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STEPH'S WORST THINGS OF 2007
1. Kiddo: I love the dog, but let's face it, training a puppy is a pain in the ass, This year my dog has harassed, peed on, scratched, and incessantly licked every single person that came through my door. Danny and I even coined a new term, "god dammit levels." As in, "When you reach god damn it levels with the dog I'll take over." (to see an up to date list of Kiddo's wake of destruction see blog entitled My Dog: In List Form)

2. A Funeral, 2007 meant the terrible, terrible loss of my father-in-law, Fernando Gimenez. It was a lonely football season without him and a lonelier Christmas. We miss him very, very much.

3. My Grandma getting ovarian cancer: she called me the other day to tell me she shaved off all her hair which made me really sad since for as long as I can remember she has taken great pride in her hair sprayed helmet of gray. Some of my best memories of childhood are going with grandma to the beauty shop on Saturdays to have her hair "set" for the week.

4. Still no children (and none on the horizon) although the image of a bunch of children on the horizon is quite funny (and creepy at the same time).

5. Almost getting knifed downtown with Lisa. In my head, this story has taken on epic proportions; there are now whole crowds of people bearing sharp objects, flashing lights and sirens, and a bouncer who shoved us into the arms of the Klingon bad guy. (For actual story see blog from October 2, 2007).

6. Those commercials about the fungi that live under people's toenails. Every time I watched that nasty little booger shaped guy flip open a cartoon toenail like it was a car hood I got an unpleasant shiver from head to toe. Blech.

7. Songs that made my ears bleed in 2007: Big Girls Don't Cry by Fergie, anything by Mariah Carey; Britney Spears, Gimme More, made me wish I was drunk so the pain in my soul would stop.

8. WORST MOVIE: 3:10 to Yuma, It managed to make staring at Christian Bale boring and that's quite difficult to do. It was three hours of sitting around a sweaty and slightly drunk campfire. The conflict was flat and the solution was what I like to call a typical "man plan" meaning, I don't feel like thinking of a plan so we'll just figure it out when we get there. (Note to readers: "man plans" rarely work out in real life and this movie was no different.)

9. Beyonce "let me upgrade" commercials. I like to at least pretend that people making music are actually musicians and not simply slaves to the corporate consumer machine, this commercial reminds me that I am a fool and my cynicism is well founded.

10. The senate "accidentally" removing funding for birth control at colleges and planned parenthoods all over the country. Women who were paying $10 a month for birth control on campus, now have to pay $40 or $50, likewise for previously discounted Morning-After Pills. An article I read the other day said the federal government is confused as to why the teen birth rate keeps going up ….and up….and up….

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OFFICIAL NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION
This is the year I will finally get actual, proper bedside tables. I'm tired of precariously stacking books, magazines, glasses, chapstick, phone and water on the craft crate I bought at Michael's when I was in college.

I hope every one had a great holiday and has a happy, safe, bedside table filled new year.

1 comment:

James Ford said...

in defense of 3:10 TO YUMA, the flick is 122 minutes so if you have to criticize it, let's use facts. the characters are idiots, they concoct plans like homer simpson which leads up to a pointless ending which makes the previous one hour and twenty one minutes all the more pointless. the fact every critic called this the best western since UNFORGIVEN (a work of genius) means that every critic has lost their minds (and i have argued roger ebert lost his in 1994 when he gave CONGO three and a half stars) or they haven't seen OPEN RANGE, proof kevin costner should only be allowed to make movies where he is a cowboy.

steph, if you get a chance, watch the original film. for a film guy, and i have seen a movie or two, i actually like remakes. i think of them like someone covering the original so i bare no loyalty to either. the real kick in the junk is that i like director james mangold. i like COP LAND (the best stallone performance in twenty years and people forget he can string more than two syllables together), the underrated IDENTITY, the shocked-i-didn't-hate KATE & LEOPOLD (because meg ryan has been useless since SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE when her whole doris day thing wore off). WALK THE LINE is overrated if only because i saw RAY the year before which is essentially the same story (and if you have ever seen any episode of VH1 BEHIND THE MUSIC you know where i am). mangold has said for years that the original 3:10 was his favorite film to the point the stallone character in COP LAND is named heflin after the actor from the original.

anyway, like your blog. rant complete.

james ford
www.jamesford.wordpress.com