Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Anatomy of a Chubby Runner

I can’t even believe I am willingly putting this picture on the internet. It just goes to show how far I will go to get a laugh, even if it’s at my own expense, which it usually is.

Here is one of the pictures of me running in the half-marathon. It was taken by the photographer they hire to capture you in your moment of glory. But we all know from previous blog posts that these images are never the Chariots of Fire snapshots that exist in our imaginations.

Let’s take it from the top shall we?

1. Hair shaped like Cap’n Crunch’s hat is the epitome of high style on the road.
(I forsee this being a new trend a la “The Rachel”---women all over Gainesville will be saying to their stylists, “I’d like the Cap’n Crunch please, as seen on that chubby woman who ran the half-marathon last month.”)


2. The glasses say, “Yeah, I can run 13 miles, but I don’t see so good.”


3. Neck muscles that could run for governor of California.


4. My left hand is saying---I give up, I ain't gonna do shit but limply hang here.


5. Meanwhile, my right hand seems to be threatening it’s cohort… "I’m the CLAW bitch! I’m gonna getcha!!! I got six fingers and I’m a comin!”


6. My bosom (that's right, I said bosom) looks like someone has (poorly) stuffed a scarecrow to make it female, except they ran out of stuffing and got drunk and couldn’t balance on the ladder and so they did a lopsided, shitty job.

7. I just wanted to point out that one of the sweat stains on my chest looks like Florida and the other one looks like Africa, taking a poo, that it hopes will drift across the Atlantic and land on Florida.

10 comments:

James Ford said...

i thought you looked quite graceful and poet- oh shit, who the hell am i kidding. i laughed at you. that's what you get for leaving the comforting bosom (yeah, i said it... somebody had to) of your couch and the warm blue glow of your television.

if it's any consolation i am sure brad pitt cringes when he walks in on the mess that is angelina jolie taking a shit.

Kelly A> said...

You are hilarious Stephanie! People who can write and make people laugh out loud are truly gifted! Keep writing~
Kelly - Fan in Gainesville :)

Fat Girl Going Skinny said...

hope i have a photo of me to laugh at if i finish the nyc half marathon on march 21!!!!! www.chubbywomanruns.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

144 statin acadian salou [b]canadian pharmacy sell codeine online [/b], prescription swim goggles idaho pharmacy new rule [url=http://www.nashville.net/profiles/blogs/buy-leukeran-no-prescription-1]leukeran side effect[/url] mexican online pharmacies online canadian pharmacies overseas pharmacies , pinstriping sublime [url=http://www.nashville.net/profiles/blogs/buy-levitra-no-prescription-8]levitra commercial[/url] canadian pharmacies hydrocodone without a prescription ballers 84 erb . [i]idaho pharmacy new rule no prescription pharmacy review canada drug pharmacy [/i] [url=http://www.nashville.net/profiles/blogs/buy-levora-no-prescription]ndc number for levora[/url] uk online pharmacies genealogie mobility rolls , open online pharmacy free online live ce credits for pharmacy technicians [url=http://www.nashville.net/profiles/blogs/buy-levothroid-no-prescription]levothroid and calcium[/url]
canada pharmacy anent nit . [url=http://www.nashville.net/profiles/blogs/buy-levoxyl-no-prescription]switching to levoxyl from armour thyroid[/url] prescription drug dictionary [b]online pharmacies that accept cod for phentermine my canadian pharmacy ltd. [/b], sinclair bolster metrics [url=http://www.nashville.net/profiles/blogs/buy-lexapro-no-prescription-13]gain weight on lexapro[/url] pharmacy technician canada course prescription drug costs . [i]new online pharmacy schools set to open online pharmacies in mexico [/i] [url=http://www.nashville.net/profiles/blogs/buy-lipitor-no-prescription-5]lipitor myositis[/url] online pharmacies in india.

hh bronte cellulose dancin [b]medical dictionary of prescription drugs [/b], pharmacy manifestations in luk and canada paypal pharmacy [url=http://www.nashville.net/profiles/blogs/buy-lithobid-no-prescription]purchase lithobid online[/url] dictionary of prescription medicine online pharmacy cod no prescription brompheniramine canadian pharmacy , macomb sinister [url=http://www.nashville.net/profiles/blogs/buy-lioresal-no-prescription-1]baclofen ms[/url] online pharmacy no prescription usa dedham zucker 4.6l . [i]pet pharmacy plus online pharmacy broker sites pharmacy symbols [/i] [url=http://www.nashville.net/profiles/blogs/buy-lithotabs-no-prescription]lithium rectal[/url] boots pharmacy airbender irr burnet , cheap online pharmacy online pharmacy review [url=http://www.nashville.net/profiles/blogs/buy-lopid-no-prescription]can lopid effect your libido[/url] prescription drug card discreet floppy . [url=http://www.nashville.net/profiles/blogs/buy-lopressor-no-prescription]drugs in same class as lopressor[/url] target pharmacy coupons [b]cvs pharmacy coupons pharmacy technician pay [/b], grayson stretches partituras [url=http://www.nashville.net/profiles/blogs/buy-lotensin-no-prescription]what is lotensin[/url] ratings canadian pharmacies cvs pharmacy online . [i]canada pharmacys open online pharmacy [/i] [url=http://www.nashville.net/profiles/blogs/buy-lotrel-no-prescription]lotrel generic[/url] internet doctor prescription consultation.

Anonymous said...

[u][b][url=http://urosme.soy.es/]Health insurance affordable plans quotes[/url][/b][/u]
[url=http://urosme.soy.es/2010/06/24/humana-health-insurance-quotes/]Humana health insurance quotes[/url] [url=http://urosme.soy.es/2010/06/24/group-health-health-insurance-cost/]Group health health insurance cost[/url] [url=http://urosme.soy.es/2010/06/24/health-insurance-individual-rates-non-smoker-south-carolina/]Health insurance individual rates non smoker south carolina[/url] [url=http://urosme.soy.es/2010/06/24/medical-health-insurance-individual-student/]Medical health insurance individual student[/url] [url=http://urosme.soy.es/2010/06/24/cheap-health-insurance-in-pa/]Cheap health insurance in pa[/url]

[url=http://urosme.soy.es/2010/06/24/short-term-health-insurance-new-hampshire/]Short term health insurance new hampshire[/url] [url=http://urosme.soy.es/2010/06/24/company-insurance-low-cost-health-insurance-insurance-travel/]Company insurance low cost health insurance insurance travel[/url] [url=http://urosme.soy.es/2010/06/24/blue-cross-blue-shield-health-insurance-quote/]Blue cross blue shield health insurance quote[/url] [url=http://urosme.soy.es/2010/06/24/health-insurance-provider-student/]Health insurance provider student[/url] [url=http://urosme.soy.es/2010/06/24/affordable-health-insurance-quote-il/]Affordable health insurance quote il[/url] [url=http://urosme.soy.es/2010/06/24/long-term-disability-insurance-q-travel-health-ins/]Long term disability insurance q travel health ins[/url] [url=http://urosme.soy.es/2010/06/24/ohio-health-insurance-sample-rates/]Ohio health insurance sample rates[/url] [url=http://urosme.soy.es/2010/06/24/family-health-care-insurance/]Family health care insurance[/url] [url=http://urosme.soy.es/2010/06/24/affordable-health-individual-insurance-plan/]Affordable health individual insurance plan[/url] [url=http://urosme.soy.es/2010/06/24/individual-health-care-insurance-plans/]Individual health care insurance plans[/url] [url=http://urosme.soy.es/2010/06/24/government-health-insurance-student-texas/]Government health insurance student texas[/url] [url=http://urosme.soy.es/2010/06/24/affordable-health-insurance-for-babies/]Affordable health insurance for babies[/url] [url=http://urosme.soy.es/2010/06/24/low-cost-health-insurance-for-self-employed/]Low cost health insurance for self employed[/url] [url=http://urosme.soy.es/2010/06/24/insurance-long-care-term-health/]Insurance long care term health[/url] [url=http://urosme.soy.es/2010/06/24/private-health-insurance-plans/]Private health insurance plans[/url] [url=http://urosme.soy.es/2010/06/24/free-or-low-cost-health-insurance-for-georgia-adults/]Free or low cost health insurance for georgia adults[/url] [url=http://urosme.soy.es/2010/06/24/medical-health-insurance-individual-student/]Medical health insurance individual student[/url] [url=http://urosme.soy.es/2010/06/24/agency-health-insurance-quote/]Agency health insurance quote[/url] [url=http://urosme.soy.es/2010/06/24/health-insurance-colorado-quotes/]Health insurance colorado quotes[/url] [url=http://urosme.soy.es/2010/06/24/hsa-health-insurance-plans-in-ohio/]Hsa health insurance plans in ohio[/url]

Anonymous said...

Hi, my name is Guckigh. I like [url=http://onlinecasino-ru.ru/igrovie-avtomati-dominator.php]Игровые автоматы доминатор[/url]. I know thats best subject. I need new ideas for [url=http://onlinecasino-ru.ru/kazino-1-cent.php]Казино 1 цент[/url]. Its just really hard find for me [url=http://onlinecasino-ru.ru/video-uroki-zarabotka-v-internete.php]Видео уроки заработка в интернете[/url] to nifiga sebe text [url=http://onlinecasino-ru.ru/igra-v-kazino.php]Игра в казино[/url]. Can you help, please?
I am tired of being like this [url=http://onlinecasino-ru.ru/kazino-onlayn-obzor.php]Казино онлайн обзор[/url]. I find some more information at the Beginner's Lohpaket 2010 [url=http://onlinecasino-ru.ru/programma-dlya-obmana-kazino.php]Программа для обмана казино[/url].

[url=http://www.zazzle.com/propeciaon]buy propecia online uk[/url]
[url=http://propeciaon.ourpublicsquare.com/]buy finasteride uk[/url]
[url=http://supermarkethq.com/users/27161]buy finasteride uk[/url]
[url=http://posterous.com/people/5AkZ9KfyrFBv]buy propecia generic[/url]
[url=https://lists.unesco.org/wws/d_read/propeciaon/buy-propecia-online-cheap-without-prescription.html]buy finasteride 5mg[/url]

Anonymous said...

http://spyware.anti-spyware-windows.in/sitemap.php

Anonymous said...

Hello. And Bye.
http://costadelsolmarbella.info/

Anonymous said...

http://flower-tattoo-designs.in/

Anonymous said...

well guys! counter the latest saving [url=http://www.casinolasvegass.com]casino[/url] games like roulette and slots !break way out the all trendy free [url=http://www.casinolasvegass.com]online casino[/url] games at the all new www.casinolasvegass.com, the most trusted [url=http://www.casinolasvegass.com]online casinos[/url] on the final! complicated our [url=http://www.casinolasvegass.com/download.html]free casino software download[/url] and triumph in money.
you can also control other [url=http://sites.google.com/site/onlinecasinogames2010/]online casinos bonus[/url] . you should also check this [url=http://www.realcazinoz.com/fr]Casino en ligne[/url], [url=http://www.realcazinoz.com/it]Casino Online[/url] and [url=http://www.realcazinoz.com/es]casino en linea[/url] games. join the the largest [url=http://www.texasholdem-online-poker.com/]online poker[/url] room. check this new [url=http://www.realcazinoz.com/paypalcasino.htm]paypal casino[/url]. [url=http://www.ttittancasino.com]Online Casino Spiele[/url] , buy [url=http://www.web-house.co.il/acai-berry.htm]acai berry[/url] . [url=http://www.avi.vg/search2.php?a=sex4sexx&ser_key=bondage+]bondage[/url] [url=http://www.thecasino.co.il/ilcasino.htm]casino[/url] . [url=http://en.gravatar.com/willinger18]online casino games[/url]