Monday, June 16, 2008

The Kiddo Collection

I think the dog may finally be starting to grow out of her puppyhood. At least the chewing portion of it. It has been at least 14 days since she has mangled something beyond recognition.

Once in awhile I’ll come home to see a lone flip flop has been dragged out to the middle of the floor, but is untouched. It’s as if she’s nostalgic for those shoe chewing days and just wanted to reminisce.

Surviving the destructive puppy phase led me to an idea. I am going to launch a line of clothing and furniture specifically for puppy owners. This new line will fashionably mimic items that have been “redesigned” by our canine companions. With my new collection, there will be no need to be embarrassed by the chewed up rug or the bite out of your favorite jacket. Any additions Fido makes will simply enhance the look. It’s brilliant (and frankly necessary).

I’ll call it the I-give-up-I’m-just-going-to-live-with-this-safety-pinned-couch-cushion Collection.

Here is a 2008 catalog preview.

Women’s Jeans:

Men’s Shoes :

Women’s Shoes:



Home and bath (600 thread count sheets):

Ultimately I would like to expand the collection and market to parents of young children. Spit-up splotched sweaters (available in spring pea green, summer squash yellow or mushroom soup). Sticky jam car seat. Crayon creation wall paper. The possibilities are endless.

I suppose another solution would be to just adopt animals/children when they are a bit older and no longer throw up on and mangle things. Although I guess with children that stage never really ends since I have a few fuzzy memories of my mom mopping up vodka infused puke well into my high school years. And also when I was sixteen I wrote "I love John Kruswicki" in blue ink all over my mattress which made it a hard sell ten years later at my parent’s garage sale…anyway, that could be another off-shoot collection called “We can’t have anything nice with you kids!”

Possible catalog cover: "Yes, I am heart breakingly cute....

...But I will fuck your shit up."

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