Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Michael Phelps goes to Pot

Yesterday I read that Michael Phelps was caught on camera smoking pot. People made a big deal. He apologized. Blah blah blah. I feel I must throw in my two cents here.

If there ever were to come a day when I won eight gold medals at one Olympics (stop laughing for a second and just go with me on this one okay?). Ahem, as I was saying, If I ever won eight gold medals in one Olympic Games:


a) Please check to make sure my body has not been commandeered by an alien species.

and/or


b) Leave me the fuck alone. I've earned the right to celebrate any way I damn well please.


I have not in fact won eight gold medals, or, it may surprise you to know, any gold medals (unless you count second place in a fourth grade spelling bee and the consolation medal I got for running the half marathon). So I suppose I have not earned the right to freely partake of illegal substances.

But Michael Phelps? If that guy wants to go to a party and eat a crack-cocaine pie with a side of heroin sauce, fine by me. He has proved his discipline. He has proved his physical prowess. He has proved he's worthy of a Wheaties box. Let the man hit the pipe in peace already.


I have to give him credit. At least he didn't pull some shit like, "Oh, that was Marijuana?" or "Yeah, that was me on the bong, but I DID NOT inhale." He owned it. He was like. Yeah, that was me and that was a device for smoking some J. I promise I'll never do it again (or at least I won't do it again when some silly drunk girl has a camera).

Sure he's a role model for kids. But here's an idea, promise your kids they can do whatever drugs they want...as soon as they win eight gold medals. My parents used that line on me all the time. Sure, you can go to the Guns n' Roses concert, right after you paint your room and re-landscape the backyard.


Give the man a break. He probably needs a little relaxation in his life. Doesn't he get up at like 4:30 in the morning and swim the length of the Nile or some shit?

Personally, I think he should put on some star shaped sunglasses and one of those Dr. Suess hats and market some t-shirts.


10 comments:

Anonymous said...

I agree. It's not fair to put people in these unrealistic, unasked for, "god-like" positions in our communities.... To error is human. And would anyone care if he had a few beers? no. so it's the legal factor I'm hearing really....

james ford said...

go stephanie! this was already going to be my friday blog (it was either that or jessica simpson's who's crime isn't that she chunked out... it's that she's performing a chili cook-off in with that belt). i was going to pull it but hell, i'm going in anyway.

ContraWhit said...

I agree, Steph.
Something that struck me as funny was that newspaper articles about this (that I read) didn't say "bong"; they said "marijuana pipe". Okay, just typing that makes me laugh.

coffee said...

i am now totally convinced that smoking weed is evil since it limited Phelps to winning only 8 gold medals in last year's Olympics

Anonymous said...

I heard on the radio that this may jeopardize his endorsement contracts with Frosted Flakes and Subway. Huh. Really? Sounds like he is the perfect pitchman for sugary cereal and fast food subs, actually...Amy

Jocelyne said...

About the consolation medal you won, what color was it? That might count! People have to be realistic, after all, this is 2009, not 1909. Wait, in 1909 you could probably get it over the counter. During the Great Depression it was widely use recreationally. Hmmm! does history repeat itself?

Anonymous said...

As someone who has not won 8, or any gold medals for that matter I am torn. I haven't even won a runner-up medal in a speling bee (anyone? no? right then). Reason being is that if Phelps is hitting the bong and winning 8 GOLD medals at the Olympics AND setting records I'll have to admit that I may be tempted to try a little... who knows maybe I could win a spelling bee?

Anonymous said...

Phelps smoking pot actually makes me like him more. I was already a huge fan. I considered him someone who knows what he wants out of life. He seems like a well rounded fellow that knows how to have a good time and really enjoy life, being sure not to take little things too seriously.

Sugared Ellipses... said...

The man burns something like 10000 calories a day. He needs to get the munchies! He needs to eat! It's a matter of health. Really.

Seriously, it's the 21st century and we're still having fits over weed? What the hell? I wish we would just legalize the damn drug. It's completely ludicrous to consider alcohol a legal drug and pot illegal. I've known far more families (including my own) destroyed by alcohol than pot. AND, if pot is a gateway drug then so is alcohol. It's a ridiculous argument. This is coming from someone who prefers getting drunk to getting high. Not that I've ever inhaled. ;)

The worst part of this for him in my opinion is the endorsements. Frickin' Kellogg's is dropping him I guess. They should use this incident as inspiration for product development. Instead of eating Wheaties, eat Weedies! You too can win eight Olympic gold medals!

Anonymous said...

i can't even make it across the bath tub when i'm stoned. the guy is a phenom and a national hero. next hit's for you phelps...