Monday, March 23, 2009

Yee Haw Ladies!!!!

Holy Justice System!

Did I ever tell you guys I'm a plaintiff in, like, a really important law suit? Well, I am. And today we had a HUGE victory!

A U.S. District court ruled that the FDA MUST reconsider their decision to only allow women over 18 to get the Morning-After Pill without a prescription. Long story short, the FDA delayed the move for a looooong time and ultimately made it behind the counter only for 18 and up.

But now they have to reconsider based on scientific fact (as opposed to Dubya's hee haws) so younger women can get too.

A big high five for my sexually active teeny bopper sistahs.....

Read about the court decision here

Read about the fabulous feminst women who waged a no holds barred campaign for MAP over the counter here

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Again with the primates...

Okay, I know I've posted before about fake baby primates, and I'm guessing I will continue to do so as long as such a thing is for sale. I found this ad for "Little Umi" in the Sunday circular. I pulled her out and sat her on my dining room table so she was right next my morning paper today when I read this article "Study: Belligerent chimp proves animals can plan for the future."

Seriously, you can't make this shit up. Once I got past the initial terrifying image of a monkey military general with his finger on the button, I read on. According to the associated press, "Santino, the 31-year old male started building his weapons cache in the morning before the zoo opened...he waited until midday before he unleashed a 'hailstorm' of rocks against visitors."

I have to say, I feel Santino's pain. I too am 31, and if I found myself locked in a Stockholm zoo I'd most likely rip the face off the closest lingonberry vendor. I don't have time for that shit. Santino probably has a funny jungle blog or a monkeybook page to get back to.

What is it with us and the chimps? Can't we just leave them alone already? What if a bunch of orangutans hauled you off to the jungle and put you in a little box so a bunch of monkeys could stick their faces between the bars to look at you? Even if they were nice to me I imagine I'd say, look, thanks for all the ticks and beetles folks, but I really gotta get going. (Steph taps watch, throws feces for emphasis).

I fail to understand the market for fake baby monkeys as a collectible item. Wouldn't you rather have a collection of 139 dollar bills? I doubt even the zoo chimps are dumb enough to shell out cash for that product. They can, after all, plan for the future.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Small Annoyances and Minor Questions of Etiquette

Small annoyance #1

I get mad at people in front of me at a red light when I'm planning a right turn. Every minute they're sitting there waiting to go straight is a minute I could be closer to my destination. If only the clog in front of me had asked me before we arrived at the light and let me go first. I sort of wish there were a car way to handle situations like in the grocery store when you only have one item and a person with a full cart let’s you go in front of them.

Minor Question of Etiquette
When I’m walking up to wait for the signal to cross a street and there is another person already waiting there, is it offensive to push the button again? Is that like being the person who pushes the elevator button even though you’re standing there and it’s lit up already? Because really what’s happening is I’m pushing the button to cross just in case this person forgot or maybe is not familiar with the button pushing system. (It's also possible they have no fingers and were just going to cross frogger style.) In any case, I want to double check that the button has been pushed without insulting the person’s intelligence.

It seems simple enough to ask them, but even that might be annoying. For example, a similar situation in which I was the victim of such an insult. I was waiting to use the bathroom at the Hippodrome (three stall set up). A girl walks in, sees me waiting there, and proceeds to do the “bend and check” we ladies have to do when we’re looking to see if stalls are occupied. As she’s checking and positioning herself in front of one of the other stalls, three thoughts flit through my mind.

1. Even if I had some gross oversight and you happen to find an empty stall, IT IS MINE.
2. There are THREE stalls here. THREE! Not twenty five. Don’t you think I checked them myself before leaning up against the wall to squeeze my legs together?
3. If I wasn’t waiting to pee. I would have informed you when you entered. What kind of person do you think I am?

As it was, I nearly pushed her out of the way and wiggled into the stall she was waiting for. I’d be damned if that bitch was going to take a leak before me, who had diligently powerwalked my way out of the theater to get there before her.

Small annoyance #2: Greetings and Goodbyes in America
It is my sincere wish that we as a people could get it together on the greeting front. Other countries and cultures have very clear standards. Kiss cheek hello, handshake hello etc…
In Japan they bow to each other. In France there is an intricate system of bisous greetings by region. One kiss in this city, three in the one south of it, two in yet another. Everyone knows the rules and abides by them. I don’t know if they learn it in school, or if the knowledge is simply passed along to residents of France via their French DNA, but there is never any confusion. No one ever glides in for a hug only to be met with a misplaced peck on the cheek. No one goes to leave a social gathering and does the awkward, "Are-you-a-hugger-or-aren’t-you" dance. The pressure to have your own greeting style is off, because your culture has provided one for you. That’s my dream for a better America. Let’s clean up our hellos and goodbyes.

(Here I'll leave you with a small kiss on each cheek. Au Revoir.)