Again with the primates...

Okay, I know I've posted before about fake baby primates, and I'm guessing I will continue to do so as long as such a thing is for sale. I found this ad for "Little Umi" in the Sunday circular. I pulled her out and sat her on my dining room table so she was right next my morning paper today when I read this article "Study: Belligerent chimp proves animals can plan for the future."


Seriously, you can't make this shit up. Once I got past the initial terrifying image of a monkey military general with his finger on the button, I read on. According to the associated press, "Santino, the 31-year old male started building his weapons cache in the morning before the zoo opened...he waited until midday before he unleashed a 'hailstorm' of rocks against visitors."


I have to say, I feel Santino's pain. I too am 31, and if I found myself locked in a Stockholm zoo I'd most likely rip the face off the closest lingonberry vendor. I don't have time for that shit. Santino probably has a funny jungle blog or a monkeybook page to get back to.

What is it with us and the chimps? Can't we just leave them alone already? What if a bunch of orangutans hauled you off to the jungle and put you in a little box so a bunch of monkeys could stick their faces between the bars to look at you? Even if they were nice to me I imagine I'd say, look, thanks for all the ticks and beetles folks, but I really gotta get going. (Steph taps watch, throws feces for emphasis).



I fail to understand the market for fake baby monkeys as a collectible item. Wouldn't you rather have a collection of 139 dollar bills? I doubt even the zoo chimps are dumb enough to shell out cash for that product. They can, after all, plan for the future.