Monday, June 1, 2009

Peggy and Me

Sunday I saw a little movie called Drag Me to Hell. Long story short, I learned this lesson: Do not piss off an old gypsy lady if you are wearing earrings, a button, or some other object she can curse with a demon who will chase you around (in the form of a fly that crawls into your mouth, an eyeball in your slice of Harvest Cake, or even as a possessed billy goat.)

This got me thinking that it couldn’t hurt to have some friends in touch with the spirit world. Normally, I am firmly in the “that’s-hocus-pocus-phooey” camp, but lately, needing all the help I can get, I find myself thinking, if that rabbit’s foot makes you feel lucky, have at it (unless it’s a real rabbit’s foot in which case you’re a terrible human being…seriously dude, it’s a bunny.)

About four months ago I came across a chubby little fertility statue from a tiny psychic shop in a rural town. “Peggy” has lived in my purse ever since (except for this weekend she’s on loan to a friend). And even though I am no longer trying to conceive, Peggy is still a talisman of hope. I feel better somehow when I’m digging through my purse for gum and see her snuggled into the folds of my purse lining right between the stool softener and a rubber ball with a tiny skull inside it (don’t ask me why or how, but those items are seriously in my purse—stranger things have happened).

I know I’m not the only one turning to charms in troubled times because a few weeks ago I saw a news story that sales of such hocus-pocus are on the rise due to the troubled economy. According to Joe’s One-stop Santeria shop in Miami, Florida, the biggest selling item is Good Fortune Floor Wax. This strikes me as odd. I mean, with Peg all I have to do is know she’s there and imagine the good things she’s pushing my way. She doesn’t make me do housework.

A word to the wise Joe of Joe’s One Stop Santeria Shop in Miami, Florida: If you really want to double your sales, consider carrying some less work intensive potions. Maybe a Big Money Bathroom Spray? Or an, “I need a job” incense set? Just a thought.

It seems strange to think of things this way, but now when I look at Peggy and think about my future child, I think somewhere in the world, possibly Russia, possibly somewhere else (I’ve given up assuming that I know such things for certain), a chain of events has been set in motion that will somehow, miraculously bring me together with the child who is meant to be with me. This chain of events has nothing to do with my monthly cycle, but rather the reproductive organs of two people half a world away. But that’s okay, when it’s time, me, Danny and Peg will board a plane, cross a continent or two and claim our good fortune.


Jocelyne said...

Well, when you do make that trip, I guess Peg will have done her job:)

Hey! when you're browsing those backwoods talisman shops let me know if you run into one for transformation will ya. This road has been rough and could use a bit of mystical help, or any other kind for that matter!

James Ford said...

"Your sad devotion to that ancient religion has not helped you conjure up the stolen data tapes, or given you clairvoyance enough to find the rebels' hidden fortress..."

Thank being said.

Natalie refuses to watch DRAG ME TO HELL. She thinks the ads are too campy to be scary and too scary to be enjoyable. She doesn't understand the finer points of Sam Raimi and by proxy, Bruce Campbell... and I married her anyway.

Even as a child rabbit's feet bothered me because they didn't seem lucky for the rabbit. I don't put my faith in superstitions that will protect me (I just use the hope-technique that I'll never see anything supernatual because I have a legitimate fear of being startled to death). My mother scolded me once becuase I keep a ceramic Buddha she gave me on my toilet tank.

As for for adopting babies from Russia, have you thought this through? You don't speak Russian? None of those clothes at Baby Gap is going to match those enormous fuzzy hats which are going to horribly uncomfortable in the Florida summer. The good part is if you crack your baby open there'll be another smaller one inside.

James Ford said...

I really need to proofread my posts. I sound illiterate.