Wednesday, August 26, 2009

A Girl Walks Into a Crib Store....

I make an ass out of myself everyday. It's what I do best. I'm used to it. Danny is used to it. It's just part of life at this point. I trip, I spill, I drop coffees freshly handed to me by baristas. Most of all though, I say awkward things.

Take for instance a recent trip Danny and I took to a place called The Babies Room. The Babies Room is a half consignment/half new emporium of everything, well, baby. I went to pick something up for my friend Candi who'd just given birth a few days prior and needed something called the "Breast Friend" pillow, (which coincidentally allows her to breastfeed and text at the same time. Wonderful invention.)

Danny and I walked around the store, deciding on our favorite kinds of strollers and high chairs and marvelling at how expensive the cribs were. It's hard for me not to feel awkward already in a place like this. It's hard to claim the status of "expectant" mother when I don't have a due date or a belly for people to coo and smile at. Walking around a baby store filled with very pregnant women makes me feel like an imposter.

When we make our way to the register, in a valiant effort to overcome my misgivings and insert myself into the world of mothers to be, I decide to ask for help in a conversation that goes something like this:

Steph: "So, how do I tell which cribs are new and which are used?

Saleswoman: "All our cribs are new. Too many recalls and safety standards to keep up with. We don't sell used cribs."

Steph: "Oh, so where's a good place to buy a crib?"

Saleswoman: "You mean used?"

Steph: "Or new. We'll probably want a new one I guess. You know, just in general where should we go?"

Saleswoman: (Blinks slowly. Glances at the sea of cribs surrounding us.) "Um, well, I guess Target has some reasonably priced ones?"


In the car later Danny laughs at me. "Only you could walk into a store full of cribs and ask the people where you can buy a crib. Hi, my name is Steph. Where can I get the product you guys are selling but cheaper?"

It's true. If there were a brainfart contest I would win hands down. I'm bumbly, fumbly and sometimes say stupid shit. But isn't that why you love me?

I have to go, I'm working at Starbucks today and I need to go ask if they know where I can get some coffee.

8 comments:

James Ford said...

If it makes you feel any more like an expectant mother the next time I see you I will boldly place my hand on your stomach without asking to feel the baby move and then tell you a horror story about some dastardly thing that happened to a pregnant woman I know. I'll follow all of this with child-rearing advice which will be especially valuable since I have no children.

Actually, that last part I do all the time.

Phil said...

I have been known to freeze after asking for a coffee at Starbucks and being presented with an endless list of possibilities. I'm not sure why I'm telling you this either...

Anonymous said...

No matter what, I have always felt like an impostor in those sorts of stores, Steph.

Speaktrue said...

I do Love you and your amazing story telling ability! Thanks for being willing to share you "Stephanie-isms". I'll have to share my Tracy-isms sometime, actually my sisters have started a book and they could tell you at the wedding. Bet you didn't know I can be a big-time airhead. Tracy

Nicole said...

I gotta hand it to her for a Target rec over Wal-mart. Even in the face of your dastardly deed.

Ariel said...

When I was at the same Crib Store, I grabbed a pair of sleeveless coveralls and yelled, "Hey, look! A baby male stripper!" People pretended not to see me.

Kornopolous said...

But its more than acceptable to ask Starbucks where to find REAL coffee.

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