Thursday, September 10, 2009

Sale Away

We're having a garage sale to get ready for the kid. You know, out with the old and in with the new. I've spent a good month inspecting every corner of our house for things that can be moved, thrown away or sold to make space for a tiny Muscovite.

It's been interesting, cleansing. I cannot believe the amount of crap I have amassed since the bright-eyed, long-haired, white polo shirt and tan shorts version of myself left home for Gainesville 13 years ago. Now that it's all in one place, I can see that my house has been nothing but a storage closet for random trinkets.

Danny and I are garage sale connoisseurs. And you can tell a lot about people by the sort of things they peddle from their driveways. Now that I'm on the other end of the card table, I find myself inspecting my items closely. What will people think of a household with not one but TWO different Star Wars trivia games? And right next to the Antiques Roadshow home game!

I've broken the more interesting items down into categories. Conclude what you will.

In the "Things that come alive at night" category: Creepy porcelain dolls. These guys have given Danny nightmares for years. I've spent more time than I care to admit planning elaborate Halloween pranks that include this little posse.

In the "Presents from ex-boyfriends that I don’t know why I still have" category: Angel ornament and frame. I find myself wondering what characteristic compelled this particular boy to think of me as a sad, sleepy cherub with a violin.

In the "Where the frak did this come from?" category:
Unopened McDonald’s Happy Meal Polly Pocket from 1993. Forget for a second that this looks like a tiny blond corpse in a plastic bag. The real mystery is that I was 15 in 1993.

In the "Things we bought at other garage sales but never used" category: Eagle clock. It seemed cool at the time (and that time was 8:15 am after a night of hard drinking.)

In the "Things I will claim belonged to my little sister" category: Disney Princess collection CD. I'm actually considering keeping this one. I like listening to a busty mermaid singing about forks and spoons. So shoot me.

In the "90s sit com memorabilia" category: The Kramer. I don't know why exactly I wanted a poster of a kooky, crazy-haired guy who runs into stuff. Although. . . now that I think about it, I did marry a kooky, crazy-haired guy who runs into stuff.

Come on by if you'd like to add any of these desirable items to your own home. Or, you can wait another 13 years for the next garage sale (That one will be fun because you'll get to make judgements about our parenting style based on our book and movie titles!)